Starting Over. Again.

I’ve had many blogs in some form or another over the course of the past few years, but one thing has stayed irritatingly constant… the stark white background that represents my canvas, and the blinking cursor sitting atop it that represents my not knowing what I want to say.

Are you ready? Here’s a peek into my thought process.

In the small, quiet hours I can think of so many things I want to say — things that I want to tell the entire world! — or at least things I think the world needs to hear. When the moment comes, and I’m sitting in front of that cold, vast void that I’ve declared my own to fill, I come up empty. During my daily life, I’ll think to myself about how I should write a blog post about egg noodles, or how I should write a blog post about not really understanding why any given thing is the way it is.

What can I say? The world and all it holds are mysteries to me.

I’ve often used a blog as a way to vent, too. I took a sick joy in spewing out flesh-eating diatribes against the everyone and everything that I decided in my own (closed and underused) mind was wrong. A little word of advice that I learned the hard way… just because you don’t agree with it doesn’t mean it’s incorrect. Morals are not binary. It took me more than 30 years to learn that simple lesson, mainly because I’ve been a very judgmental person in the past, which I’m going to blame with a nudge and a wink on being raised a Southern Baptist.

In reality? It was just that I am was scared to death of everything and everyone.
Humans fear what we don’t understand, because… well, we’re hardwired to. The hypothalamus gives us two options when faced with something we don’t get but are sure is going to kill us, and on present day Earth, everything is going to kill something. Take raisins. For us, they’re a great, moderately healthy snack. For dogs, though, they’re poison. For us, yummy dried grapes. For dogs? Yummy kidney failure. Eat this, not that! Oh wait, we’ve been wrong for the past 20 years and you should really be eating that, not this. In the 1940s cigarette ads used doctors to tell you how ridiculously smooth their product was, and that you’d be a damned fool not to smoke. Now we understand a bit more about the fact that cigarettes, much like the air in a heavily populated metropolitan area, will kill you until you are dead, and medical professionals no longer tell you that smoking is the coolest.

You know what this is? A literary leitmotif.

I’m not going to use this blog to complain. I’m not going to use it to talk about things that I don’t like. I am going to use it to talk about things that interest and/or confuse me, which should offer a deep enough well to last for years to come. For now, though, I really just want to thank you for reading. I probably don’t know who you are, but since you’re ready this, I’d certainly like to, especially since you made it this far.

Hi, my name’s Erik. What’s yours?

Blogging about blogging. SO META.

Blogging is a tricky business. Now, when I use the word “business” there, don’t think I’m making any money from posting once a month. If you are making money from posting once a month, be a pal and tell me how that works. But I digress. So yeah, blogging is kind of weird. There are SO many places you can blog, each one with a different audience. I know from personal experience that if I post something in one place it might not see any activity, but if I post it somewhere else I get tens of views! That sounds sarcastic, and while it was clearly intended to be, it’s like most sarcasm… said with just the slightest hint of truth. If I post something and anyone responds to it or interacts with me in the slightest because of it, that’s a win. That’s a victory for me. If one person reads my stuff or likes my photo or whatever, then I’ve just used this amazing thing called the internet to share a little part of myself with a complete stranger.

That’s why I don’t do it that often.

The truth is, I’m terrified. Sharing something you’ve created with the world means that it’s no longer safe. It’s out there. Anyone can attack it, can pick it apart, can spit on it and belittle it. That little piece of yourself that you gave away is going to get hurt, and by extension, so are you. You’ve got two options. One, you do what I’ve always done, and you quit. That’s the easiest thing to do. Just quit, stop any creative juice you might have flowing, and run. Cut your losses, because that’s the safest thing to do, right? Option two is harder. You suck it up, use the negativity to see if there are things you could do better while still creating what you want, and let the positivity prop you up. In the upcoming new year, that’s my plan.

I need to create, and for some reason, I need to share it with people. Maybe I’m a sadist. Maybe I’m just a guy that thinks he’s got something to offer. Maybe I think I’m way better at this than I really am. At any rate, I’m here to stay, and this is probably going to be my last “wall-o-text” post. You’re welcome! For now, I’m going to sleep. Technically it’s Christmas Eve Day (…what?) and I need to get my beauty rest so I can look like a boss for Santa Claus.

 

Re-ignition

WHEN I AM EMPTY PLEASE DISPOSE OF ME PROPERLY

I’ve settled into a comfortable dissatisfaction as of late. I don’t really seem to enjoy anything. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m apparently stagnant by nature or if I’ve managed to wring out the last drops of fun from the activities I once held dear. I’ve seemingly lost the capacity for creative thought. It is my sincere hope that doing this, the simple act of posting something, will rekindle the interest that I once had in writing. I’ve given up on so many hobbies in my life… drawing, writing and recording music, collections of various things, writing in general… and I wish that I hadn’t. I wish that I still found time to occasionally put pencil to paper and draw. Or at least stylus to Wacom, I guess. I wish I had time to practice my guitar. I wish I had more time to write, too. I quit doing those things because the finished product in each case never came out the way I wanted it to. The way I saw it in my head. I had an idea of what it should look like, sound like, say… and when I was unable to produce that, I simply quit. I hate everything that I create, really. Except for my son, of course. He gets a pass because he’s the most beautiful child in the world. The question remains, though… is this my lot in life? To have a great imagination with no skill whatsoever to back it up? Maybe by forcing myself to blog, and to blog about this, I’ll get over this hump and the juices will start flowing again.

This is incredibly disturbing.

Apparently someone found my blog by searching for “slow comfort fucking tumblr“.

I just don’t know what to think about that.

I’ve tried to make one coherent thought out of the four words, but my mind just can’t get around it. How exactly does it all fit together? I can get several 2 or 3 words snippets out of it, but all four? I swear, it’s like I’m watching Lost all over again.

 

Finally… Publicize to Tumblr!

Image representing Tumblr as depicted in Crunc...

Image via CrunchBase

I was pretty happy with the recent announcement that WordPress would begin letting you publicize your blog posts to Tumblr. I spend a pretty good amount of time that I really should be writing scrolling through my Tumblr dashboard, looking at all the funny, creative, and just plain weird things that people post. Now it seems that I don’t have to make a choice between the two! Thanks, WordPress!

Blogsy?

I’m trying out an iPad app that I just got called Blogsy. So far, I’m not sure what to make of it. I have to admit that I was initially a bit hesitant to try typing… well, much of anything on an iPad. I’ve said numerous times in the past that iPads, while awesome, are for consumption and not creation.

I may have been wrong.

This is going to be a short post, as I’m not really posting about anything, but am really just trying to put this app through its paces. So far, I’m pleasantly surprised. I’m going to try adding a picture from my Flickr account.

It’s very easy to add pictures, but without knowing a little bit of code it seems impossible to type after adding one. You have to flip over to the HTML view and add a div, in case you’re wondering. At any rate, I definitely see myself playing with this more in the future but currently don’t see it being worth the price of admission, which was $4.99 in the app store.

Inspiration… I Have None.

CG depiction of Gollum created by Weta Digital...

GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

I’m up against a wall here, people. I’m cornered and they’re closing in fast. My predicament is this: I’m starting to wonder what exactly it is I have to say.

I’m stumped. I’ve beaten my head against what I can only assume is some bizarre wall made of writer’s block for a few days now. How do some of you seasoned pros handle this? You know, that feeling like anything you write will be stupid, pointless, and/or other derogatory adjectives? That gnawing thing in your head that convinces you everything you’re thinking about writing is a waste of time… and sounds suspiciously like Gollum?

That’s what I feel like I’m up against. How do you more experienced bloggers fight back against that feeling? What is it that keeps you going?